BGR is a tiresome Marathon

I never thought i would be so evil towards another of my kind - persistent, blindly devoted being, at least in the affairs of the heart. No, no, no-one's interested in me. It's a he, and he is in love with my best gal friend Marie. While the relationship is not quite mutual, he refuses to give up, even after several explicit rejections from my poor friend, who has always wished for fable-like happy endings to things.

'I'm going crazy!' moaned Marie over MSN, 'he just doesn't give up!'

Thinking back, i had one such episode in my life before, just that i was on the not giving up part. I used to write a full half year worth of weekly letters to Debbie, hoping against hope, that i can touch her. It freaked her out instead. So, after much deliberation, i simply stopped my nonsense and started using my head: being desperate and being persistent are two different things altogether.

Being persistent means to try hard when there is still hope, that is, a tacit understanding that things are not quite going your way, yet. And so we persist to achieve a better solution. But when there is explicit decline by the other half, continuing to try hard will be seen as desperation, and indeed, a turn-off.

That boy is lucky that Marie has openly told him of her disinterest in him. But his continuous stubborness is pissing her off. Thus, she applied the cold shoulder treatment, something that i've suffered before. To tell you the truth, Cold War is not fun at all. He is lucky because the chill in relations was after clear indications, while mine was all but a letter, not even a face-to-face explanation, and that was harsh. But it's alright, i am glad that i was given a chance to learn the hard way - there is a world of difference between persistence and desperation.

Marie's a great girl, and i was indeed interested in her before. We sat down and talked about it, but we realised that we're better off as friends, and hence we still are after all these long years! Marie's an open person who would tactfully tell you the honest truth, hence i know that this guy is indeed irritating, to say the least, in his relentless pursuit.

I suggested a group approach in resolving this issue - Marie and her 'agents' band together to corner this dude and give him a good scolding! This might be needed because Marie and the dude are in the same faculty, same apartment building and same lecture series, so there are tonnes are chances for them to meet up, and for the dude to pester her. While she doesn't want to make it hurtful for him, he is not making things easier for neither of them. Well, seems like a happy ending is not forth coming at all. Marie my dear, you have to harsh up on this guy! That's why i admire Debbie, she can be damn harsh but she dares what others dare not; to lose a friend even if it takes pains to maintain a Cold War. Mind you, for the last 3 years, she didn't even speak to me at all, even if i was to purposely 'bunp' into her to pass her a letter or meet her 'accidentally' along the corridor. She only smiled politely and kept her mouth zip. That is discipline. But i was left to feel unfair and jilted, and alas, left to realise the truth about persistence and desperation. It hurts, but it was the better solution for the both of us, instead of a draggy relationship with no decisive end in sight.

One of the gentlemen on the SIA Scholarship interview board asked me, 'What are your weaknesses?' I wanted to say that i'm sometimes overly persistent and meticulous, but i thought that they might ask for examples, so i kept to being overly meticulous, at least i can use non-sensitive army examples to elucidate my point. But to be honest, i still find affairs of heart thoroughly confusing, knowing when to back-off and when to pursue can be a matter of relationship life and death. It'll take more than just a couple of tries to master, and rather tiring at times. No wonder Virginia is so fed up about relationships, she has been in and out of them countless times.

Keep falling in love is like a tiresome marathon, you must have the courage and fitness to carry on. My condolescences to singles out there trying hard to get hitched, and my encouragement to my attached friends, striving hard to maintain their current exorbitantly expensive, troublesome lifestyle. Me? I'm perfectly happy staying single, neither trying nor striving cos there are so few girls in my life right now! Actually, i've been trying hard to maintain eye contact with girls that i fancy on the MRT and provide a smile. It's not easy because it takes tremendous self-confidence and effort. But like i've said, it is a tiresome marathon once you're in it, so i must train up!