D for Discussion

This week was an interesting week. It was the last week of CTC. My dear combined arms friends have left, but not before we had a barbeque together. Debbie said that we can possibly meet up in July, and I've learnt a little more about myself when the results of the course were revealed. Let me elaborate more.

All good things are not made to last, so my syndicate [CTC learning group] bade farewell to each other over a barbeque on Thursday night, when we had so much fun. A couple of guys got drunk and were sprouting nonsense the whole night. But the most important pledge was made to meet up every February to do catch up. There was so much synergy within the group that most were sad that we had to embark on our diverging paths. Next week is the start of AIOC, and the infantry dudes are to be separated as well. Though no-one like changes, i think we should embrace them with the hope that better things could occur. As Marcel Proust had said, the acme of learning is not so much of seeing new things, but seeing with new eyes. Negativity breeds knee-jerk reactions and further negativity; only positivity allows new eyes to be developed. Am looking very much to AIOC.

Vanessa cautioned that Debbie might be looking for nothing but a platonic friendship, and that i should not read too much into her replies. I'm reading nothing; I'm just happy that Debbie replied. Losing a friend was never my intent in life, so there are no further cause for happiness than to know that i've got a friend back in my life. So now i'm back to zero on the relationship chart with her, and that's all i need actually. Now I just need to meet up with her to close the loop, like my OCS platoon mate Gui Deng had said. Vanessa was worried that i might spill some 'I LOVE YOU' shit on our meeting and scare Debbie off again. HAHA... damn hilarious. There is to be no such thing man. I have tried too hard for too long than to throw it all away. Of course, i am too looking for a platonic friendship first before anything can happen. Debbie and I had both changed i reckon. Let's see if it is for the better or the worse. I know my temper had definitely subsided, but who's to say right? We'll find out in July.

And yes, the results of CTC. I've did fine for my knowledge and peer rating. But I've got a D for Discussion. I feel low at first, then i found it damn hilarious that i failed discussion for being 'Arrogant', 'Irrelevant' and even non-participating. How much do you want me to talk to be participating? HAHA... those who know me will know me as a person who speaks his mind, with tact, readily. But i went back and did a self-reflection on what exactly went wrong. I might have rubbed a few Directing Staff off the wrong way. CTC being a touted safe-to-try environment prompted me, in all my naivety, to speak out often about doctrines and fundamental questions. Not all people are receptive to such radicalism, especially the old schoolers coaching us, who are waiting for their turn to retire. Perhaps they had felt threatened by my aggressiveness, and alleged 'heresy'. Hence, my irrelevance. Arrogance is nothing but my looks, what else can it be? This is of course not the first time that the term has been used on me. What can I do if the Directing Staff don't take their own advice on contextual listening? If they take me for my looks, then i do feel sorry for them. No worries, i'm not gonna complain nothing, but i will not exchange my extrovert self for the world. I'll prove to them in AIOC [Advanced Infantry Officer Course] that they had got it wrong, but this time i'll stray away from 'heresy' for sure. The time and space are not correct for radicalism, yet.

Could my strength be my weakness? I was told that i am too meticulous to the detriment of time management. That i agree, but only for examinations. Being meticulous would save people's lives on the ground! So i don't see any huge problems here, just got to speed up my meticulous thoughts, that's all. That will come with practice and experience. So just the D for Discussion that's the blip on my report card. But luckily for me, i've got a second chance to prove my worth, and i'm not gonna let it slip away. D is also for Determination.