The Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

It has been said that the business of business is about handling people. Actually, life is all about managing people the right way. Specifically, we have to know what to say, when to say it, how to say it and to whom we say it. This is of course, not an easy skill to acquire. We aleady have so many problems trying to live our lives from day to day that sometimes it will take a herculean effort to just transcend ourselves in order to overcome our shortcomings. We are so frustrated sometimes we just need to let our air off above all priorities.

Most will resort to arguing with the person who so stepped on your tail. They scream and they bitch and all sorts of profanities in the world come out of their mouth. In doing so they think that they can justify their anger by telling the other person what a fool he is by making you angry. Sometimes this comes more natural than doing business in the toilet - even toilet businesses require some coordination and effort; criticising and complaining is so automatic we rarely plan for them to occur.

Take my dad for example. Now, he is a good father; he doesn’t smoke, drink, gamble nor indulge in extramarital affairs. He cares for the family’s welfare and he provides, as best as he can, bread and butter on the table. But of my family of four, and my father's extended family of 6 siblings, I can safely say that I am the only person who can communicate with him effectively. With a man of such admirable qualities, he should be well-liked right? So why isn’t he? Through many sessions of one-to-one coaching that we have had since I left the Army, it is evident that he is constantly frustrated, even driven to points of depression, because he is not seeing acceptable results for most things that he has expected others to do. The root cause is that he is too full of himself when he talks; and he complains too much and he criticizes incessantly.

Every time a word of criticism springs out of his mouth, our ears are shut and our minds are closed. The first thing that we associate a critical person with is a fool of shallow character. A self-indulging critic will never get anywhere with his attempt to communicate, hence his constant agony from his feeling of being ostracized. An inferiority complex sinks in and the process reiterates itself. If you want to communicate properly, don’t ever try to criticize, complain or condemn anything or anyone before a word comes out of your mouth. If you have nothing good to say, don’t say anything. Hence – Principle 1: Don’t Criticize, Condemn or Complain.

I confess that I’m very, very fond of chocolates. But whenever I fish, I do not hang chocolates on the hook do I? I hang a worm on it and dangled that in the water, asking the fish, ‘Wouldn’t you like to have a wriggling worm in your mouth?’ Why? The fish loves worms, not chocolates. And likewise, the person that I am trying to communicate with is only interested in whatever that pre-occupies his mind, never the chocolate that I like, nor the things that I want.

Let’s admit it. Our minds are pre-occupied with thoughts of ourselves all the time. We think about our projects, our work, our clothes, our money etc. We think about ourselves so much, that ‘I’ is the most commonly used word in any conversation. The last thing we need is for some arrogant fool to come by and tell us how to live our lives. You will be astonished by the distance people will go to protect their precious pride. Once you threaten to even wound my pride, I will get defensive. But if that is true, the reverse must also be true – if you respect my pride and give appreciation where it is due, I will respect your pride in return. Is that not what we want out of every effort we make to communicate? We will get things done much faster this way. Hence – Principle 2: Give honest and sincere appreciation.

Everyone loves to talk, but how many really listen? Now, communication is never complete if one talks and the other does not listen right? With the chocolate and worms example, it will follow that in order for us to communicate; we need to see things from the other person’s point of view. Just pause to appreciate this phrase that Henry Ford, founder of Ford Motors and the concept of Mass Production, said about the art of handling people,’ If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get to the other person’s point of view and to see things from his angle as well as from your own.’

An example will be that of a kid who refuses to eat his vegetables. You can tell the kid all day long that vegetables are rich in vitamins and minerals and that they are good for them but the kid just will not eat them. Why? The kid, like the fish, is not interested in your chocolates! So now we will practice what Mr Ford preached. We take a good look at the daily activities of the kid and ask our selves this question. What does the kid really want? Does he want to be a basketball star; represent the school in soccer; walk the catwalk or be the next Prime Minister? Once we know that, we can tell the kid how eating his or her vegetables will make kid grow taller to shoot that basket; run faster to round off the keeper; stay slimmer to shrug the stuff on the catwalk; and get smarter to be the next Prime Minister. I guarantee you that the kid will eat the vegetables the very next day.

The same principle works with adults! Tell them why a particular business will get them to where they want to be in life and you’ve got yourself a partner. People are willing to listen as long as you can see things from their point of view and understand what they want. Hence – Principle 3: Arouse in the other person and eager want.

Now, obviously talking is easier than walking. But being aware of what we can possibly do to better ourselves is one of the very first important steps to take in making that change a reality. I’m still learning about how to apply these principles, and if you do catch me breaching the principles, remember, you’ll be rewarded.

Remember the game that I have started 2 weeks ago? To date, I’ve given out only $2 dollars to others who have caught me breaching the rules, while putting away $9.50 for catching myself. If anyone has been diligently catching me breaching the first principle since day one, he would have made a little fortune! But alas, not many can see the mistakes as they themselves are very much indulging in the 3Cs and their own worlds. Now, this is totally understandable is it not? Although this fact constitutes the biggest reason why this game is not so well-received, I will still reward you as long as you catch me, because your stepping out of your own world and into mine is commendable by itself.

If you are not ready to take that plunge and burn a hole in your pocket by playing the game, just try in your little ways to practice the 3 principles:

Principle 1: Don’t Criticize, Condemn or Complain

Principle 2: Give Honest and Sincere Appreciation

Principle 3: Arouse in the other person an eager want.

I guarantee you that you will be a much more effective and happier person.

The Business of Business

Why do we do business? Is it for the money? Is it about the spirit of entrepreneurship? Is it to be my own boss? A little of everything here?

Let me tell you why I do business: I do business so that i can change the lives of others. Good business is about serving others, providing jobs, value-add to the society and attaining financial freedom at the end of the day.

Good businesses run like one big happy family. Good businesses are an integral part of everyday life, providing quality products that better lives. Good businesses give hope to others by allowing people to dream and put their thoughts into actions. Good businesses educate people about improving themselves. Good businesses have solid feedback systems that run like clockwork, improving itself everyday. Good businesses transcend political systems, cultures, races, geographies and mind sets. Good businesses change lives in big and small ways.

That is why we need to study and do business. Not just any business but good, solid businesses that do most of the things above.

But when the money rolls in and out, when the emotional side of cashflow comes into play, it is the heartwares that are the most important. Everything is void when good things are in the wrong hands, with the wrong minds controlling them. That is why good businesses are also fragile; they can go bust overnight.

Mr Ho Kwon Ping pointed these out yesterday, during the SMU Convocation 2005. He didn't actually say so much, but his words ignited my train of thought and i do agree with him. Good businesses do change lives and nations across the world. Good businesses give people hope, and that is why i have to study business and its mechanics.

But the business of business is not about the mechanics, it is about people. How do you know that you have succeeded? When everyone around you are cleverer than you are, and they do what they are best in, day in day out, for the company. That's when you have succeeded.

It follows that a successful business owner doesn't need to top the class as a student. He doesn't have to be the smartest, but he should be one of the smartest. Why? So that he knows, at least at the most elementary level, what the smartest are talking about when they present a project.

Hence, technical skills are only 10% of good businesses, usually demonstrated in the boardroom. The rest is about the soft skills of people relationships. It is so important that it can't be stressed enough. Almost all good business people are good leaders. They inspire, they motivate, they build and steer and make the decisions. In essence, they think: they think about what their counterparts are trying to convey through their words; they think about what to say, how to say it, and when to say it; they think about the future and how to get there.

But everyone's thinking about something, though maybe not always about the things that matter. Thinking about things that really matter often requires too much comtemplation and too much energy. That is why so few will engage in deep thinking. Most will just think about what happened today in the papers, TV, and radio. Others think about where to have fun, spend and then lament that they are broke. [I always like to say this to remind myself about spending - a dollar spent is a dollar sunk; it'll never return.] The fact that so few people think hard enough means that there are always room for good ideas that will grow to be good businesses, or how to run it. Simply said, they will always be room for improving people realtionships.

The business of business is just this one word - relationship. Relationships between products and markets, between sellers and buyers and between leaders and followers. It is as simple, and as complicated, as that.

Self Talk/Thought Power

I was just talking to myself. In fact, i frequently talk to myself. You may find that strange, but there are times that I just look at myself in the mirror and talk, like to an old friend or something.

I think that as i age, i do more and more self-talk. I need plenty of self-motivation to stay true to myself. There are tonnes of negativity out there and i have often felt overwhelmed by them. People old and young come up with their personal problems and experiences, most of them uniquely distressing, and rarely pleasant or encouraging. How did they get this way? Where did all the negativity come from? I think they came from their submission to failures.

Most of these folks are common people like you and me. From the surface, you can never figure out that something so wrong is happening to them. But through further probes and understanding, they will reveal to you their deepest problems and worries; almost all stemmed from the fear of failures. Fear of losing money, time and effort, emotional attachments, feeling of being appreciated, authority etc. Upon meeting failures, most will crawl back into their comfort zones and whine there, then get up and live back that old life after submitting to defeats.

Then they would tell others, "Don't even try, cause i've been there, done that. You will only suffer and fail." That simple sentence reeks of nothing but passivity and a sense of helplessness. What happened to the 'can do' spirit of a child? If infants can understand that sentence before they contemplate their first step, no one will be walking now! We will all be at home rolling around. There will be no more sidewalks but side 'crawls'. Luckily we learnt how to walk before we can talk.

I'm currently on a mission - to change myself. I have had enough of passivity and cynicism. I've figured out that if i want those detrimental emotions to disappear from my life, i have to actively change the way i see the world and speak my thoughts. I will talk nothing but positive happenings and compliment every fact worth praising in everyone and everything. That is no sucking up because complimenting others is the first step in making new friends and changing my own attitude about life. I'm offering anyone 50 cents if they can catch me sprouting a phrase of complaint, criticism and condemnation. The first step to change what i don't like about others is to change everything i don't like about myself.

In life, it's not what you know that is important. It's what you read, who you associate yourself with, how you spend your free time and what is your attitude that make a difference. You can be very smart, but there are actually no correlations between financial success and education level in this capitalistic society. You can be a genius in the lecture room but a fool in a boardroom, or a high flyer in rank but a crippled in the bank. As a matter of fact, the more educated you are, the higher are your opportunity costs of doing anything else except for what you're good at, and the more you're likely to get stuck in the Rat Race for money and time. So if a Ph.d is what you're geared up for, you might want to reconsider that fact.

That why i always talk to myself whenever i find myself sinking into the mood to whine and give up/give in. I look myself hard in the mirror and i say this to myself, 'You are the Best, and you deserve the Best! And because you are the Best, you follow only the Best! What would Lincoln say to this? What would Robert Kiyosaki say to this? What would Zig Ziglar say to this?' Although i'm not really well-off now, but i think like a millionaire do, like a successful motivational speaker do, like a leader of leader do. Why? Because they are the best; and i can and will be the best too.

You will be surprised that the most fundamental value that these people share is, 'i was born stupid, and i'm still stupid.' So I have to learn, unlearn and relearn. I have to improve, improve, improve. I have to challenge my own comfort zone. I have to self-talk and self-reflect. I have to know myself and master myself. Once i can do that, there is nothing that i cannot achieve.

You see, everyone is given one gift, and one gift alone; that is the ability to make a choice. Everything that the mind can conceive, and believe, it can achieve. It can do so, because we are gifted with the ability to make a choice - to do it, or not. If you want something, and you really want it so badly, you will plan and choose your next move. And when you put thoughts into actions, the thing that comes back at you will blow your mind.

And that's the power of self-talk/thought.

That Retirement Feeling.

Whoa, 6 weeks flew right by man! My time at SINSALES has come to an end. Last day was spent at this advertising firm called BateyRed Cell - the company made famous for their invaluable contribution in creating the SIA Girl.

I found advertising rather fun! But of course, there are tonnes of work involved - the reason why the turnover rate is so high. Consider this: an ad person in an ad company for a year is like 10 years in a company like SIA! The reason: there are alway ALWAYS impossible deadlines to meet and demanding customers (Yes, like the senior management in SIA) to please. Hard work, long nights, fake smiles all contribute to an incredible turnover rate. But advertising is still very fun, especially if a beautiful ad was a hit with the market. That is, if it is beautiful and if it is a hit.
Maybe i'll get myself in the Marketing and Communication Department on my next attachment to get a feel of the bigger picture.

I went for a seminar on a Low Cost Carrier (LCC) rival called Air Asia, heard before? Ah, if not, it's because it's such a successful budget airline in Malaysia, Brunei, Thailand and Indonesia that it was barred flights into and exiting Singapore. Some protectionism eh? But the plan here is to develop our very own successful budget airline model before opening up to keen industrial rivals. There's a point there, which equates to the fact that we have to build up a solid budget airline company, and build it fast. Because from the zest and determination demonstrated by the exuberant and charismatic CEO of Air Asia on Thursday, Air Asia is going to be the cause for a huge shake up in the regional airline industry, if it isn't already a big enough competitor. From a company that's worthed RM$1 with USD 40m of debt, to a debtless and USD4.2b market cap company in 5 years is no mean feat boy. This, coupled with a maverick style of management, makes Air Asia the new kid on the block to look out for.

Before i left the department for good, i submitted a powerpoint presentation on Air Asia, while sounding off some alarms and suggesting some ideas to fight back. But, as the saying goes, 'a man's meat is another's poison.' My opinions remained strictly as my own.

Nonetheless, i put in my final effort at finishing up whatever that i'm doing before taking my leave. Before leaving, i went around exchanging my self-made name card with my colleagues. Why self-made? That's because interns are not given name cards. Our time there is simply too short to justify the investment. Some of my colleagues were gracious enough to pass me their numbers while others were less willing. Too bad, i've got good things on offer, but only for those who want it, and trust me as a friend and person. Heh

I was a little nostalgic before leaving, but after walking out of the building, i actually felt so relieved boy. You wouldn't believe how good it feels to walk out on a job! I'm going to do just that at age 45, if not earlier. It's that retirement feeling man, and it feels good, if only for a few hours. Why man, it's back to school, and i will study hard so that i won't let myself down. I've come so far, there's no turning back now. But that retirement feeling is good boy.