Got to have faith

Today, for the first time in my 21 years on this Earth, someone said to me that i'm attractive. It was a moment of shock because i have no idea whether to be glad or to be freaked. You might be guessing that the kind words came from a lady. No, my friend, i was complimented by a grown man! Here's how it happened.

I was wandering at Best Denki Plaza Singapura, looking out for computer specifications when there was a tap on my left shoulder. I spun around and saw a bespectacled Caucasian man smiling at me, with wrinkles hugging his cheeks and the sides of his eyes. He must be a good 50 years old. He spoke with an American accent.

'Hi, are you Malaysian?'

'Um, nope, i'm local.'

'Oh.' That was all he said, but he was still standing there, glancing at me, straight in the eyes, and still smiling.

'Why? Do i look like a Malaysian?' I asked curiously. There is something rather spooky about his glance. Something that i have never seen before staring right at me.

'Oh, yes. Quite a bit as well.' He replied, still smiling.

'Well, what are you doing here? How can i help you?'

'I'm actually here on a business trip, and i'm just shopping around.'

'Yeah, me too, looking for a laptop. You?'

Then it came; the statement came. Out of the blue, just like that.

'Well, i was just looking around, and i found you rather attractive.' He said with honesty in his eyes, and yeah, at that moment i realised what's spooky about that glance - lust. I have seen it in hundreds of Lao Di Go [Old Horny Men] before, staring unabashedly at the boobs, butt and legs of a striking lady walking by. Never in my craziest dreams have i realised that i would be a victim of lusty glances!

I stood there, mouth half open, eyes strickened by sheer shock and disbelief at what i've just heard. Searching, i was desparately searching for a reply to that. I'm straight dude, and i think you can tell from my expression right?

I gathered my fullest composure and said, 'Well, i'm here looking for a laptop. You know of any good ones?'

He gave me the name of IBM and some thumb drives that he uses. I stared at my watch and exclaimed, 'Oh! Look at the time, i really have to go. See ya!' Then i left the store, walking normally, but my body was rushing with adrenaline. That's one predator that i ought to get away, and get away fast! But i stayed cool man, no point making a big fuss out of it in public . I found refuge in the Times bookstore on the same floor and man i swear i would run like hell should he follow right behind me in there. I dove straight into the children's section, where parents and kids were busy reading and scouting for books. I immediately took out my John Grisham novel and started devouring it. I mustn't look up, mustn't fidget or walk around. The gay dude may have noticed me, but he'll never get as close as to chat me up for what he wanted insofar as i'm at the children section. Heck, there are kids and parents around man. Superb move, i thought, superb. Now, just pray that the gay dude will act according to my plan. I'll stay here for an hour and he'll only have to give up. So i calmly read my book and true enough, no gay dudes bothered me anymore.

In retrospect, i was indeed spooked out more than i felt appreciated. But undeniably, a word of affirmation from the most unlikely source was encouraging, but what would i have done should it be from a striking Caucasian lady? What would i have done? [Kind words of this sort will only come from foreigners i reckon. Singaporeans are way averse when it comes to giving appraisals.] I will probably thank her and ask her for her name and chat her up a bit. Maybe her number after that, but nothing further. I will too seek refuge in Times should she advance any more than she should. There are no free lunches in this world, so the number will be the furthest that i'll go. Man, what if she's a he and he's a she? I don't even want to venture there.

Good thing that i've stayed calm. But man, that gay dude has guts. I will most probably simply admire from afar and do nothing else should i see someone i fancy. Maybe I'll create a coincidence by bumping into her a few more times, but that's it man. He has got some guts, i've got to give it up to him.

I wonder if he is a person of a certain faith. Wonder what faith in this world would condone gayism? Would there be a ministry that condones gay activities? What kind of house of worship will that be? Whorehouse? Or a house that allows individual interpretations on the issues of sexuality? As far as i know, not a single mantra or bible or religious publication in this part of the world dwells on the issue of gayism/lesbianism. Wonder what the Christians, Buddhists, Muslims, Jews and their likes have to say about the issue of confused sexuality?

I think the time has finally come for me to make a decision on my faith. I've been attending church for the past month, and i think today's sermon is actually not too bad. The pastor was talking about how Churches must be forward looking to stay current and relevant to the world that we live in.

'Traditions will remain, but only those that are sacred to the Bible. We believed in Jesus, and the word of the Bible not for the promised price of Heaven and the threats of Hell; but for bringing down the Kingdom of Heaven on Earth, through the power of the individual in all 7 pillars of family, religion, education, government, media, workplace and the community.'

Powerful words, but i'll be giving Buddhism a chance as well, see what my mom's mentor has to say about issues close to my heart. Gayism is definitely one of them, after today's traumatic episode. From then on, i'll make a decision. No-one has ever brought me into a mosque, so i've figured that i'll be dropping by the one in Ang Mo Kio on friday and talk to a few imams.

I have always been a monotheist, but i have not been intrigued by any places of worship in particular, especially their hypocritical crowds. Today i did a litmus test on the dude who brought me to his City Harvest Church for the past month - Yuan Tai. I purposely came late; forgot to bring my $2 ticket and needed his help. He did show a little hesitation, but he still helped nonetheless. This is not the first time that i'm late, i have been late and gave no shows for a couple of times before, but he was still cool. Looks like he has indeed undergone some positive changes. He was rather ill-tempered before; a typical no-nonsense guy. But now he's a little changed, and i'm beginning to see some good in his church.

So this is the plan, if i can't get satisfying answers from either my mom's mentor or the imams, i'll keep going to church to listen to what the pastor has to say about the Bible, 'cos i like City Harvest Church's vision. So far i've felt no miracles, but being a monotheist, i've got to have faith in at least one of the 3 biggest monotheistic religions. I guess i'll also be searching out the Jewish community, to see what they have to say.

If you ask me whether i can live without a recognised faith, I'll say definite 'Yes, i can.' But why not find out more before saying 'Nah, none of these hypocritical shit is for me.' So for now, I've got to have faith that i can find my faith.